cynicalbastard

Love this thread from CiF–the masterpieces you’ve always thought are crap.

Sums up CiF contributors. All the tedious people pointing out the obvious–Emin and Hirst. Then the others desperately defending their own pet loves.

Me, I never understood the Keats vs Beatles debate that was the meejah’s desperate attempt to understand postmodernism (that Derrida writes very long words don’t he?). Both are awful. The Beatles went from copying Buddy Holly to copying the Beach Boys, and Revolution No.9 is the only decent thing they ever did (blatant musique concrete rip-off though)—okay, Helter Skelter was all right for its influence on certain californians, but Siouxise did a much better version.

Wuthering Heights is just terrible. A wimpy wankfest for girls who don’t know how to use their hairbrush handles. All of the Austens–ancient chick-lit, of no interest to anyone with a Y chromosome. Trollope–Eastenders writer of his day. All female crime writers except Dorothy L Sayers and that Icelandic one. Lowry, David Hockney (no, being gay doesn’t make you good), any classical composer between Orfeo and the Rite of Spring, the Arctic Monkeys–George Formby for the modern generation-, Pele, George Best, David Gower (what a total wanker, and what an ugly player), Seinfeld, Moby Dick (have you read that? fecking awful), and on and on….

EDIT–oh yeah and ANY modern fiction. Emperor’s clothes people, emperor’s clothes. Amis (MArtin–did you read that piece in T’Grauniad on Atta, could anyone but an autistic six year old in a wheelchair get away with such rubbish?), McEwan, Barnes, Smith, Ali, all total and utter shite. The Americans (except Pynchon) are worse–Cormac McCarthy? Richard Sportswriter Ford? Updike? Roth? Utter and total shite.

I like this game. As the INsane Clown Posse put it–

“Fuck Celine Dion and fuck Dionne Warwick
You both make me sick, suck my dick
Fuck the Berlin Wall, both sides of it
And fuck Lyle Lovett, whoever the fuck that is
Fuck everybody in the hemisphere
Fuck them across the world, and fuck them right here
You know the guy that operates the Rouge River draw bridge in Delray on
Jefferson? FUCK HIM!
Fuck your idea, fuck your gonnoreha
Fuck your diarrhea, Rocky Maivia
Fuck your wife, your homie did, he’s fuckin you
Fuck the police and the 5-0 too
Fuck Spin, Rolling Stone, and fuck Vibe
Fuck everybody inside
Whoever’s on the cover, fuck his mother
Fuck your little brother’s homie from around the way
And fuck Violent J!”

(just noticed I dropped off Devil’s Ktchen’s essential reading..what have I done?) Not sworn enough I suspect.