cynicalbastard

the bells are chiming on Saturday, so there will be a three week hiatus. If you leave a comment and haven’t before you might get caught up in the spam sweep when I return, so apologies in advance. Keep it cynical and keep it bastarded.

Love this thread from CiF–the masterpieces you’ve always thought are crap.

Sums up CiF contributors. All the tedious people pointing out the obvious–Emin and Hirst. Then the others desperately defending their own pet loves.

Me, I never understood the Keats vs Beatles debate that was the meejah’s desperate attempt to understand postmodernism (that Derrida writes very long words don’t he?). Both are awful. The Beatles went from copying Buddy Holly to copying the Beach Boys, and Revolution No.9 is the only decent thing they ever did (blatant musique concrete rip-off though)—okay, Helter Skelter was all right for its influence on certain californians, but Siouxise did a much better version.

Wuthering Heights is just terrible. A wimpy wankfest for girls who don’t know how to use their hairbrush handles. All of the Austens–ancient chick-lit, of no interest to anyone with a Y chromosome. Trollope–Eastenders writer of his day. All female crime writers except Dorothy L Sayers and that Icelandic one. Lowry, David Hockney (no, being gay doesn’t make you good), any classical composer between Orfeo and the Rite of Spring, the Arctic Monkeys–George Formby for the modern generation-, Pele, George Best, David Gower (what a total wanker, and what an ugly player), Seinfeld, Moby Dick (have you read that? fecking awful), and on and on….

EDIT–oh yeah and ANY modern fiction. Emperor’s clothes people, emperor’s clothes. Amis (MArtin–did you read that piece in T’Grauniad on Atta, could anyone but an autistic six year old in a wheelchair get away with such rubbish?), McEwan, Barnes, Smith, Ali, all total and utter shite. The Americans (except Pynchon) are worse–Cormac McCarthy? Richard Sportswriter Ford? Updike? Roth? Utter and total shite.

I like this game. As the INsane Clown Posse put it–

“Fuck Celine Dion and fuck Dionne Warwick
You both make me sick, suck my dick
Fuck the Berlin Wall, both sides of it
And fuck Lyle Lovett, whoever the fuck that is
Fuck everybody in the hemisphere
Fuck them across the world, and fuck them right here
You know the guy that operates the Rouge River draw bridge in Delray on
Jefferson? FUCK HIM!
Fuck your idea, fuck your gonnoreha
Fuck your diarrhea, Rocky Maivia
Fuck your wife, your homie did, he’s fuckin you
Fuck the police and the 5-0 too
Fuck Spin, Rolling Stone, and fuck Vibe
Fuck everybody inside
Whoever’s on the cover, fuck his mother
Fuck your little brother’s homie from around the way
And fuck Violent J!”

(just noticed I dropped off Devil’s Ktchen’s essential reading..what have I done?) Not sworn enough I suspect.

Schopenhauer anyone?

So we once again prove our hatred of people claiming Islam is violent (or quoting people claiming it) by, uhhr, burning down churches and shooting nuns.

Logic? Hey? Over here!

Is there anything more pointless than an art critic, other than an art critic writing a completely pointless article about being a critic?

Read it, iust to see how NOT to construct a meaningful article.

Well, it appears that we DO have capital punishment in this country. But we even save the money necessary to employ a Pierrepoint, and just let murderers do away with themselves. First Fred West, now Huntley.

Indeed, it now appears that only innocent people, like Michael Stone and poor Barry Bulsara, will live for very long in prison. Maybe its a survival of the fittest? If you aren’t dead within a few years, chances are you’re probably innocent.

In related, the news about Huntley has given the TV channels a chance to show lots of footage of Holly and Jessica playing. Seemingly, Holly (or is it Jessica?) never took off her ManUre shirt, (though the new sponsors will probably be asking for their names to be put over the word ‘Vodafone’ on the shirt—they did buy image rights, after all).

This morning, Sky showed footage of the two, with two of their friends, playing on a slide. With a supermarket trolley. Indeed, pushing the trolley down the slide. And then playing ‘golf’ on what was doubtless a public park where ball games would be banned.

Such activity, of course, is regarded as ’sweet’. Only, do that sort of thing today and you’re likely to end up with an ASBO. Stealing supermarket trolleys? Pushing them down slides? Pure vandalism. Under Blair’s new rules, they’d probably have been identified and tagged as trouble-makers even before they were born. .

my sadness to the general feelings over STeve-O dying. Being a cynical old misanthrope, I have more than a sneaking admiration for people who can be so genuinely enthusiastic about everything they do.

Similar to the lovely Simon Reeve and his Equator programme, and of course to the even lovelier Bruce Parry who meets the maddest people, does the maddest things, and just seems to charm them all, never mind the language barriers, by his affection and regard for them.

(The reaction when PArry asked one of the West papuan Kombai whether they were interested in where he came from is total class…

“Not interested really. We like you, you’re very funny, but we have no interest in where you come from…Whatever jungle it is, it must be pretty s**t �cos you can’t climb trees, you always have to carry ridiculous items on your body, you’re too fat, you can’t cross logs without a hand…In general you’re pretty sh**…Why would we want to know about this place?”)

All three are official cynicalbastard walloffamers. The world is a slightly colder place tonight.