cynicalbastard

See? This is why xianity is so much fun.

Mick Hucknall on copyright..

“Far from obstructing this exchange of inspiration, copyright facilitates sampling”

Will there be a more fatuous, idiotic or plain wrong statement made this year?

Blair’s setting out a new social contract–things one must do in order to get education, NHS service, etc.

No, mate, what I have to do is PAY TAXES. If you don’t deliver the services I’ve paid for, then I get to sue you. Why doesn’t the Sale of Goods Act apply to government services?

Glad to see some very important ex- and current Policemen have been spending their time uncovering the true face of Jack the Ripper.

I’m not a London council tax payer, but, if I was, I might be writing to my MP and to the Met asking, under FoIA, precisely how much involvement there was of serving officers in this media idiocy, how many other cases were put on hold, how much it cost to help out these broadcasters (or how much was earned), and how this fits in with the commitment to fight the woronterror.

Anyway, they need look no further. Identikit–

Real person–

you get scared that something might not be as good as it sounds–Thomas Pynchon’s new novel is out on the 21st.

Spanning the period between the Chicago World’s Fair of 1893 and the years just after World War I, “Against the Day” moves from the labor troubles in Colorado to turn-of-the-century New York, to London and Gottingen, Venice and Vienna, the Balkans, Central Asia, Siberia at the time of the mysterious Tunguska event, Mexico during the revolution, Paris, silent-era Hollywood, and one or two places not strictly speaking on the map at all. With a worldwide disaster looming just a few years ahead, it is a time of unrestrained corporate greed, false religiosity, moronic fecklessness, and evil intent in high places. No reference to the present day is intended or should be inferred. The sizable cast of characters includes anarchists, balloonists, gamblers, corporate tycoons, drug enthusiasts, innocents and decadents, mathematicians, mad scientists, shamans, psychics and stage magicians, spies, detectives, adventuresses, and hired guns. There are cameo appearances by Nikola Tesla, Bela Lugosi, and Groucho Marx. As an era of certainty comes crashing down around their ears and an unpredictable future commences, these folks are mostly just trying to pursue their lives. Sometimes they manage to catch up; sometimes it’s their lives that pursue them. Meanwhile, the author is up to his usual business. Characters stop what they’re doing to sing what are for the most part stupid songs. Strange sexual practices take place. Obscure languages are spoken, not always idiomatically. Contrary-to-the-fact occurrences occur. If it is not the world, it is what the world might be with a minor adjustment or two. According to some, this is one of the main purposes of fiction. Let the reader decide, let the reader beware; Good luck - Thomas Pynchon.

God, that Killers LP is crap. Appalling sub-Springsteen warbling, over-meaningful lyrics, banal tunes.

Not much better is the MY Chemical Romance one. Thought it was meant to be heavy? About as heavy as Japan’s first LP. Bad pop music.

God, I’m getting old.

Police marksmen, right, what is it they do?

They shoot people, right, don’t they?

That’s their job…

So why the fuss over this story…?

Next headline, Pope heretic shock, bear dumps in wood , etc., etc.

the bells are chiming on Saturday, so there will be a three week hiatus. If you leave a comment and haven’t before you might get caught up in the spam sweep when I return, so apologies in advance. Keep it cynical and keep it bastarded.

Love this thread from CiF–the masterpieces you’ve always thought are crap.

Sums up CiF contributors. All the tedious people pointing out the obvious–Emin and Hirst. Then the others desperately defending their own pet loves.

Me, I never understood the Keats vs Beatles debate that was the meejah’s desperate attempt to understand postmodernism (that Derrida writes very long words don’t he?). Both are awful. The Beatles went from copying Buddy Holly to copying the Beach Boys, and Revolution No.9 is the only decent thing they ever did (blatant musique concrete rip-off though)—okay, Helter Skelter was all right for its influence on certain californians, but Siouxise did a much better version.

Wuthering Heights is just terrible. A wimpy wankfest for girls who don’t know how to use their hairbrush handles. All of the Austens–ancient chick-lit, of no interest to anyone with a Y chromosome. Trollope–Eastenders writer of his day. All female crime writers except Dorothy L Sayers and that Icelandic one. Lowry, David Hockney (no, being gay doesn’t make you good), any classical composer between Orfeo and the Rite of Spring, the Arctic Monkeys–George Formby for the modern generation-, Pele, George Best, David Gower (what a total wanker, and what an ugly player), Seinfeld, Moby Dick (have you read that? fecking awful), and on and on….

EDIT–oh yeah and ANY modern fiction. Emperor’s clothes people, emperor’s clothes. Amis (MArtin–did you read that piece in T’Grauniad on Atta, could anyone but an autistic six year old in a wheelchair get away with such rubbish?), McEwan, Barnes, Smith, Ali, all total and utter shite. The Americans (except Pynchon) are worse–Cormac McCarthy? Richard Sportswriter Ford? Updike? Roth? Utter and total shite.

I like this game. As the INsane Clown Posse put it–

“Fuck Celine Dion and fuck Dionne Warwick
You both make me sick, suck my dick
Fuck the Berlin Wall, both sides of it
And fuck Lyle Lovett, whoever the fuck that is
Fuck everybody in the hemisphere
Fuck them across the world, and fuck them right here
You know the guy that operates the Rouge River draw bridge in Delray on
Jefferson? FUCK HIM!
Fuck your idea, fuck your gonnoreha
Fuck your diarrhea, Rocky Maivia
Fuck your wife, your homie did, he’s fuckin you
Fuck the police and the 5-0 too
Fuck Spin, Rolling Stone, and fuck Vibe
Fuck everybody inside
Whoever’s on the cover, fuck his mother
Fuck your little brother’s homie from around the way
And fuck Violent J!”

(just noticed I dropped off Devil’s Ktchen’s essential reading..what have I done?) Not sworn enough I suspect.

Schopenhauer anyone?

So we once again prove our hatred of people claiming Islam is violent (or quoting people claiming it) by, uhhr, burning down churches and shooting nuns.

Logic? Hey? Over here!

Is there anything more pointless than an art critic, other than an art critic writing a completely pointless article about being a critic?

Read it, iust to see how NOT to construct a meaningful article.

Well, it appears that we DO have capital punishment in this country. But we even save the money necessary to employ a Pierrepoint, and just let murderers do away with themselves. First Fred West, now Huntley.

Indeed, it now appears that only innocent people, like Michael Stone and poor Barry Bulsara, will live for very long in prison. Maybe its a survival of the fittest? If you aren’t dead within a few years, chances are you’re probably innocent.

In related, the news about Huntley has given the TV channels a chance to show lots of footage of Holly and Jessica playing. Seemingly, Holly (or is it Jessica?) never took off her ManUre shirt, (though the new sponsors will probably be asking for their names to be put over the word ‘Vodafone’ on the shirt—they did buy image rights, after all).

This morning, Sky showed footage of the two, with two of their friends, playing on a slide. With a supermarket trolley. Indeed, pushing the trolley down the slide. And then playing ‘golf’ on what was doubtless a public park where ball games would be banned.

Such activity, of course, is regarded as ’sweet’. Only, do that sort of thing today and you’re likely to end up with an ASBO. Stealing supermarket trolleys? Pushing them down slides? Pure vandalism. Under Blair’s new rules, they’d probably have been identified and tagged as trouble-makers even before they were born. .

my sadness to the general feelings over STeve-O dying. Being a cynical old misanthrope, I have more than a sneaking admiration for people who can be so genuinely enthusiastic about everything they do.

Similar to the lovely Simon Reeve and his Equator programme, and of course to the even lovelier Bruce Parry who meets the maddest people, does the maddest things, and just seems to charm them all, never mind the language barriers, by his affection and regard for them.

(The reaction when PArry asked one of the West papuan Kombai whether they were interested in where he came from is total class…

“Not interested really. We like you, you’re very funny, but we have no interest in where you come from…Whatever jungle it is, it must be pretty s**t �cos you can’t climb trees, you always have to carry ridiculous items on your body, you’re too fat, you can’t cross logs without a hand…In general you’re pretty sh**…Why would we want to know about this place?”)

All three are official cynicalbastard walloffamers. The world is a slightly colder place tonight.

I keep having a very minor allergic reaction. My beloved assumed it was the cheap n nasty gel at the gym, but I haven’t used that for a week and tonight there it was again–little raised bumps all along both arms, very itchy.

So I’ve narrowed it down to edam cheese or M&S Earl Grey. Anyone know if there’s anything dodgy in the latter?

Yup, once again, we have murder committed by the interweb. Uhhr, no, hang on a moment. Surely a man murdered a woman here? Something that is, of course, sadly all too common. But, no, apparently, the interweb was to blame. Must be all those tubes.

Be interesting how they try and enforce this one–

“acts that appear to be life threatening or are likely to result in serious, disabling injury

Remove that ‘disabling’ and most piercing sites would come under scrutiny. Actually, bme would anyway.

That ‘appear’ leaves open the application of the law (as currently with kiddie porn legislation) to completely fake images. Ie. you make an animation of someone murdering someone, its just as criminal as if you film someone murdering someone.

Oh, and ‘likely to result in…’ Hmm, the jackass boys better not be filming round here.

File under ‘completely unenforceable pandering to the tabloids.”

Repeat after me, it is not the role of the state, or any of its constituent bodies, to legislate over things like this. But, hey, here’s an idea. Why not stop building on playing fields? Why not stop the kiddy fiddler panic that stops children being allowed to play outside? Why not stop dealing with symptoms and start dealing with root problems?

First Tom and Jerry and smoking, now this ridiculous bugbear once more. IPCGMITY.

If parents seriously can’t deal with kids being influenced by adverts, perhaps they should have invested in rather better contraception.

By way of popbitch, why fisting is God’s will. Ah-hemm. Not sure Pat Robertson would agree, but, hey.

If any of you want to talk about the famous novel, I’m afraid you’ll be blacklisted. The amount of spam I get that references Harper Lee is astonishing. So Harper Lee disappears into negative space. Which is a shame. Though I preferred the film.

“We didn’t do nothing, and, anyway, even if we did, the law’s wrong. ”

Hmm, I believed the Pakistanis up till reading that interview.

Well, bought T’Grauniad on Saturday, and saw no mention of this. Apologies placed carefully on the website on a SUnday. Who’d have thnk it.

Not tht it could have ruined the guy’s life, after all.